So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
