we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
