and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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