Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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