and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
