I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
