He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
