he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Randomize
