My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
