WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
