When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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