My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Just invented taco cereal.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
