honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
