oh god the rape fog is back!
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
