if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
