Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
