I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
