maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
