i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Can you bring me the toilet please
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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