If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
