As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
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