I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
