im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
