I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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