Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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