Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
