cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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