I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Randomize
