My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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