i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
