He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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