i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
