Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
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I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
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My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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