so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
