he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Randomize
