Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
