peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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