I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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