ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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