I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
