i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Did we literally take a cab across the street
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
