He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
