last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
