Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize