words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Is Oprah even human
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
