god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
