uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
