he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
