When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
