I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
