and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
