I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
