Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
