I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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