You're my little dorito
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
