Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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